Common Problems on Draft 1

Introduction

-          Avoid using outside sources in your introduction. This should be your own words.

-          Explain any patterns relevant to this topic.

o   Patterns within the text itself

o   The way this text fits into a larger pattern

-          Then explain the meaning of fitting into/breaking this pattern (this should be your thesis)

Thesis

-          Most of you don’t have thesis statements. Or at least you do not have thesis statements in the introductory paragraph (this is where they should be).

-          Many of you do have thesis statements—or something similar—in your conclusions. If so, make sure you include this in the introduction as well.

o   If you don’t have a thesis statement in your conclusion, keep analyzing that data.

Analyze the Data (see the model draft)

-          Many of you are presenting the data (sources) that you found.

-          A lot of this data is very useful, but you need to analyze it before you present it to the reader.

o   Look for patterns

o   Look for deviations/outliers from patterns

o   Does your main text fit these patterns?

o   Explain these patterns and how things fit—or don’t—in detail.

-          So rather than present the data to the reader and assume that the reader will make sense of it, you need to make sense of your own data. And present your analysis to the reader.

o   Support this analysis with your sources, but the sources themselves should not be entire paragraphs

Audience Response

-          Many of you reference reader/audience reaction to a work. While appealing to an audience is certainly important to the overall success of a film, this has very little to do with your central topic. Stop referencing the audience (unless it is a defined element of your research question.)

Sources:

-          Introduce quotes (tell us who says this and why we should listen to them)

-          The quote should be integrated into the sentence structure

-          Explain why this quote is useful to your topic. Why have you included it in your paper?

Citation – Use MLA citation guide

-          In-text citation

-          Authorial reference (user author’s last name only)

Sentence Structure

-          Use present tense

-          Passive voice L

o   Example: “X is [past tense verb] by Y”

o   To fix, re-order the subject and object of the sentence: “Y [present tense verb] X.”

-          Transitions

o   Don’t reduce information

§  “In other words”

§  “In a word”

§  “Bascially”

-          Even

o   Positive construction: “He  even runs away.”

o   Negative Construction: “He even does not run away”à “He does not even run away”